The Man, Man.

February 07, 2013  •  Leave a Comment

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Just got off the phone with a lady representative of ‘the man’ who informed me that I’m officially a fugitive in the state of Texas. I’d like to think they just called to say ‘hey, we feel like playing a big game of hide and seek, now GO!’

A few months ago the damn man arrested me for ‘public intoxication’. Standing under a street lamp the mans representative explained to me this was all happening because him and his buddy had perceived me as being in a mental state where I was ‘a risk to myself or others’. ‘A risk to myself or others’ were his words, so first I thought to ask him which category I fell into. I decided it must’ve been to myself seeing as there was no one within 20 yards of me, so I let it go thinking if they wanted to arrest me for being a ‘danger to myself’ they were about 21 years too late. My second thought was that these men had just diagnosed me of a mental condition from 40 yards away… in the dark.. and without any medical history… So I think you can understand why I was overcome with paranoia, stricken with the fear that I was about to have to face down the two most shrewd and well trained men in the history of human psychology. I’ve read a few books but I knew I was no match. Just so you know these men KNOW that ‘Going home’ is a completely inadequate answer to the question ‘What do you think you were doing?’….. Remembering from just how far away these experts must have come to their conclusion from, I became aware that their eyes may have held superhuman powers, primarily night vision and AT LEAST 4x zoom. I didn’t want to think about x-rays or lasers. My realization of the hopelessness of my situation (being as I’m an imperfect human without superpowers) was reaffirmed by the clicks from the cuffs tightening behind my back. That ‘click’ was like an alarm. Suddenly I saw the look in these mens eyes and realized just how much everybody involved was loving this situation, aside from myself. I felt an air of superiority coming off of these men that convinced me they had to have pissed pure excellence every morning, and on the rare occasion that they did take part in the lowly activity of shitting their impeccably tight anuses must’ve only been capable of ejecting diamonds, which after cleaning would be never spent on themselves and only given to the poorest of children. I hadn’t been to court but it was obvious I had already been judged.

Now I know these men have never shat diamonds. Now I know these men didn’t know much other than they were supposed to arrest 15 people that night (VALENTINES DAY) for public intoxication. Now I know those men didn’t have super powered eyes (big let down) or great intellects but rather they saw a young man walking away from bars without a group to say anything different than what they wrote on their police reports. Now I know that their police department doesn’t get state funding based on convictions but by arrests and that they know most college students who actively go the bars I was at have parents who’d rather pay than take time to defend their children’s actions. In short, I’ve learned a lot from this experience.

I’d like to think of my government as a citizen of the world, as a global representative of it’s constituents collective ethics. I’d like to think that any group that assumes the right to practice and establish law over others inherently accepts that it must have the internal integrity to be able to set an example for its precedents and to practice what it preaches along with being able to punish itself when it fails to. It’s a shame no one can put the government in jail for being such a risk to itself and others. I may have been drunk in public but my government is a fucking crack fiend who doesn’t give a damn who has to burn as long as it can keep finding its fix. Keep getting the fix till the heart quits.

 

Update: I payed off Denton county to the tune of $1200 last summer. For walking home after drinking instead of driving, for calling it a night at 12:15 instead of 2:30 when all the really drunk people would have provided me ample cover from these faithful servants of society.

 


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